take exercise---draft 1
Taking exercise is important to me because it has a lot of advantage. First, with exercise, people can lose weight. For many girls, it is a dream to lose weight in order to look beautiful. If these girls want to achieve their dreams, they have to take more exercise. Second, exercise can advance the blood circulation. Generally, people usually stay at home do the same thing that is to be a couch-potato. However, to be a couch-potato may lead to stuff the blood circulation. To avoid this situation, people must stand up for a while and move bodies which can advance the blood circulation. The most important reason is that I can keep health. Having a healthy body will pay off a life. A longer life is treasure which let us have more time to do more valuable things. Therefore, taking exercise plays an important role in our lives.
posted by 許雅婷 @ 6:48 AM
4 Comments:
１．because it has a lot of advantage.這邊我覺得可以用複數
２．to be a couch-potato may lead to stuff the blood circulation.我覺得那個stuff後面可以加of
3.The most important reason is that I can keep health應該是healthy
4.整篇文章important用太多了可以找一些字替換
５．那個我覺得你一個點像血液循環啊，句子可以合併一下，要不然一個單字一直重複出像會覺得很冗長
６．大概就這樣
Generally, people.... to be a couch-potato. However, to be a couch-potato.... circulation.
這裡連續用兩個to be a couch-potato感覺有點冗長
直接把它合成一個句子感覺會比較順
1.a lot of "advantages"
2. people can lose weight "by exercising"
3.people usually stay at home "and" do the same thing
4.lead to "congestion of blood"
5.that is "called" a couch-potato.
with exercise>>by exercising
The most important reason is that I can keep health. >>如果前面的主辭是用People 後面最好也用people
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